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Dependency-Enmeshment: Impaired ego development
Performance-based: Relationships of rejection
Perfectionism: Unable to accept failure
Detachment-Attachment Problems
Dependency
Addictions: To satisfy self & soothe pain
Rigidity
( 5 ( 5 M W h a t i s C o d e p e n d e n c e vNO ٖO_v a !qbv a ( 1 9 9 8 - 0 1 M W o n g , P h . D . ) D K 0 b " b & , A n y o n e w h o s e S e l f w a s u n d e r d e v e l o p e d t h a t s / h e b e c o m e s d e p e n d e n t o n a n o t h e r p e r s o n t o f e e l c o m p l e t e ( E m o t i o n a l C a n n i b a l i s m f o r S u r v i v a l )
T h i s c o d e p e n d e n t p e r s o n i s o f t e n a d d i c t e d t o t h e e s t e e m & a c c e p t a n c e o f o t h e r s f o r s u r v i v a l t o t h e p o i n t t h a t i t h u r t s t h e s e l f a n d a n o t h e r
S i d e - E f f e c t s o f C o d e p e n d e n c e : L o o s e - B o u n d a r i e s & P o o r l i m i t s w i t h G u l l i b i l i t y , C o n t r o l l i n g
S e r i o u s S i d e - E f f e c t s : D e c e p t i o n , M a n i p u l a t i o n , A d d i c t i o n s , S e l f - D e f e a t , T r a g i c - o u t c o m e s , W i n - L o s e , D e h u m a n i z a t i o n & f i n a l l y D e a t h f QWS E x o d u s 3 4 : 7 V}eo,g N e w I n t e r n a t i o n a l V e r s i o n p 4 e d F ( $ g f $ ` pCSCS,,NYu NHaa fMQj}[0NrTj`0 N[ndj j}[6rSP[k[ v0R NVN0
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~ 1YHe[^bTv҉r A d a p t e d f r o m : S h a r o n W e g s c h e i d e r - C r u s e , 1 9 8 5 , H e a l t h C o m m u n i c a t i o n s , F L N R g ? F F ! F I A d d i c t
Nnv: A n g e r , r a g e , g a m b l i n g , s e x
E n a b l e r 1~[: T r i e s t o c o n t r o l t o m a k e t h i n g s O K
H e r o Ė: B e p e r f e c t & p r o b l e m s w i l l g o a w a y
S c a p e g o a t Njv: R e b e l a g a i n s t f a m i l y p r o b l e m s & t h e n f i n a l l y b e l i e v i n g t h a t h e i s t h e p r o b l e m
L o s t C h i l d vi[P[: R e t r e a t s , w i t h d r a w s & i s o l a t e s s e l f f r o m m e a n i n g f u l r e l a t i o n s h i p s
M a s c o t \N: D e s p e r a t e l y m a k e s e v e r y o n e l a u g h a m i d s t t h e f a m i l y t r a g e d y | Z B c c b c B c B # B B c B B # B
B c B B N B B c B B B B B c B < B = $ The Addicted Family Rules (Unspoken) % t D O N T F E E L
D O N T T A L K
D O N T T R U S T
D O N T T H I N K
D O N T C H A N G E ; ( , ( , ( , ( , , ( , 8 '`nv- bV t֊ c B Attachment Deficits
Failure to attach with a nurturing-love object
Deny needs for nurturing person
Denial gives rise to deprivation
Family Relationship Estrangement
Family Dynamic of Rigidity: Perfectionism
History of early sexual violation
Intimacy problem: Generational effect 6 p p 9 2 J The Physical Intimacy-Orgasmic Cycle (Copyright Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000) & K % % &
I n t i m a c y A l w a y s F e e l s G o o d !
E m o t i o n a l I n t i m a c y L e a d s t o P h y s i c a l I n t i m a c y !
P h y s i c a l I n t i m a c y C a n L e a d t o O r g a s m !
O r g a s m A l w a y s F e e l s G o o d !
O r g a s m i c F e e l i n g i s I n t i m a c y ?
P h y s i c a l I n t i m a c y i s a n A n t i d o t e f o r :
L o n e l i n e s s , L o w - S e l f W o r t h , B o r e d o m ,
A g g r e s s i o n , A n g e r , D e s p a i r , A b a n d o n m e n t
( A p p l i e s t o H e t e r o s e x u a l s a n d H o m o s e x u a l s ) P & P y & B N + F ; A d d i c t i o n - A c t i n g - O u t C y c l e C o p y r i g h t M e l v i n W o n g , P h . D . 2 0 0 0 $ A # 4 Compulsivity
Deprivation
Impulsivity
Satiation 8 F Z P 5 > # Proximal Causes of Sexual Addiction $ & & x P r e m a t u r e S e x u a l - G e n i t a l F a m i l i a r i z a t i o n
O v e r - e x p o s u r e t o a d u l t p o r n o g r a p h i c m a t e r i a l s
M y d a d s P l a y b o y m a g a z i n e
M y u n c l e s b o o k s u n d e r h i s b e d o r m a t t r e s s
O n e d a y I f o u n d a s t a s h o f m a g a z i n e i n m y n e i g h b o r s t r a s h
I w a t c h e d H B O a f t e r m y p a r e n t s w e n t t o s l e e p
I w a t c h e d m y m o m h a v i n g s e x w i t h h e r b o y f r i e n d v W Z 1 x ) ! . - = / 1 ? $ Immediate Causes of Sexual Addiction % & & C h i l d w a s a v i c t i m o f s e x u a l v i o l a t i o n
M o l e s t a t i o n - F o n d l i n g : C u l t u r e s p e c i f i c ( S e x u a l c u r i o s i t y o f a d u l t s i n A s i a n e t h n i c g r o u p s )
M e n s s e x u a l c u r i o s i t y o v e r s e l f : P r o j e c t e d o n c h i l d r e n
M e n e x p o s e d s e l f t o c h i l d r e n : T o s a t i s f y s o m e t h i n g a b o u t t h e m s e l v e s
S e r v a n t - M a i d : B a t h i n g a t o d d l e r
S e x u a l a r o u s a l a s a w a y t o s o o t h e a c h i l d P ' Z % n ' $ ' 4 8 @ # Direct Causes: Biology & Psychology $ & & Behavioral: Stimulus-Response Cycle
Boredom: Social-Interpersonal Isolation
Excitation: Immediate Gratification
Stimulus-Response: Emotional Reminders
Habit-Forming Behaviors
Cigarettes smoking
Rage: Temper Tantrums
Relaxation Cycles
Physiological Arousal & Rest States $ Z M Z ' P P ) P P $ P $ $ M $ ) $ $ A Why Sexual Addiction? Q Needs for Arousal
Life is Boring
Gambling
Sex
Stimulant Drugs
High-Risk Behaviors < ! 1
1 B Why Sexual Addiction? Needs for Satiation
Life is Not Satisfying-Unhappy
Sex
Over-Eating (Bulimia-Bingeing)
Depressant Drugs (Marijuana)
Narcotic Drugs (Anesthetic effect)
Alcohol < 3 k
k C Why Sexual Addiction? Needs for Fantasy
Reality is too Hard: Need a Quick Escape
Voyeuristic Sex: Intelligent fantasy & Routine
Psychedelic Drugs: LSD
Marijuana
Mystic/Artistic
Preoccupation N ; n
) ? 3 L The Addiction (Modified from Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. & Steven Arterburn, M.S.) $ M ? Craving-tension-urge to get emotionally intimate with others
Mental-Emotional-Visual Triggers
Pain Repression with immediate Sexual Longing
Fantasy Development-Planning Begins (The Thrill begins)
The Hunt (The Intrigue) ^ P g 0
Z F F ) ) ) ( F ( ( F ( ( ( ( F ( ( ( 4 L The Addiction (Modified from Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. & Steven Arterburn, M.S.) $ M ? T h e C o n n e c t i o n
R u s h A l t e r e d s t a t e o f a w a r e n e s s
T h e A c t
U n d e r - C o n t r o l : I m p u l s i v i t y : B i n g e
T h e F u l f i l l m e n t
O r g a s m : F e e l i n g D i s s o c i a t i o n
T h e L e t - D o w n
S e l f - B l a m e : N u m b n e s s
T h e V o w
O v e r - C o n t r o l : C o m p u l s i v i t y : R i g i d i t y
T h e C y c l e R e t u r n s a g a i n ( D e p r i v a t i o n S e t s - I n ) " F " < < " F < F F F F % < . F $
F $ F " " $ F $ $ " $
F $ $ F $ $ $ F $ $ % $ F $ $ / > Specific Treatment Areas (Copyright Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000) & ? * &
Ideational (Mindset)
Reduction of Intrusive Thoughts
Behavioral
Reduce Masturbation & Acting-Outs
Relational
Increase Male Non-Sexual Friendships
Spiritual
Increase Pursuit of Holiness-Maturity P P P " P P % P
P & P B $ $ B # " $ B $ % "
B $ % " $ D Healing Compulsions & Addictions ( ! * $ * I n t e r p e r s o n a l : H e a l t h y - B o n d s ( S a f e P e o p l e )
E x p e r i e n t i a l n o t o n l y r a t i o n a l N o n - s e x u a l i n t i m a c y
S p i r i t u a l : P a r a d i g m s h i f t : E n l i g h t e n m e n t
I n t r a p e r s o n a l : M o u r n l o s s , S p i r i t u a l r e n e w a l
R e d i s c o v e r g o o d n e s s i n s e l f ( f a l s e g u i l t )
R e d i s c o v e r m e a n i n g & s i g n i f i c a n c e ( H e l p o t h e r s )
A n E l e m e n t o f A L o v i n g b u t F i r m S t r u c t u r e ( L i v e - I n p r o g r a m s , 1 2 s t e p g r o u p s ) + \ - Z O + 3 ) - K + $ { M Self-Help Group Resources SA: Sexaholics Anonymous
www.sa.org (615)331-6230
SLAA: Sex Love Addicts Anonymous
EA: Emotions Anonymous
(510) 471-8864
CODA: CoDependents Anonymous
(415) 905-6331
www.ChristianMentalHealth.com Z ( ! Z P 2 Z < Z (
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- P Addiction Cycle 3 Trigger: Stimulus
Thoughts:
Craving:
Acting-out: 4 n 4 Q Trigger Stimuli induced: Sensations
Visual, Audio, Smell, Stimulus-Response
Conscious triggers
Unconscious triggers
Time factor
Conditioned to respond by limbic system
Stress: High expectations on performance with low control or power 6 ( ( R Trigger m Treatment: Effective coping-problem solving skills, use support system
Previous history of how to respond to stress
Early life experiences
Organism is attempting to cope and return to homeostasis
Use of former addictions is a major way the brain knows how to cope and to return to homeostasis
Reward memory-a neural craving network with dopamine driving the process . n 9 a I S Thought F i r s t a w a r e o f t h e d a n g e r
N e e d t o h a v e a w h a t t o d o l i s t
P i n k e l e p h a n t s o r b l u e g i r a f f e s t o d i s t r a c t a n d s u b s t i t u t e T Craving n A physical brain event
Does not respond to neocortex or higher brain functioning
Will pass if have action item U
Acting-out More in V . C a r n e s A d d i c t i o n C y c l e
W X Getting Help Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
P O Box 119, New Town Branch, Boston MA 02258 617-332-1945
Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
P O Box 3038 Minneapolis, MN 55403 612-339-0217
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA)
P O Box 1585, Old Chelsea Station, NY, NY 10011 212-439-1123
National Council on Sexual Addictions, Inc
P O Box 20249, Wickenberg, AZ 602-684-7919
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
P O Box 300 Simi Valley, CA 93062 805-581-3343 & Z < Z Z 0 Z # Z ? Z + Z A Z Z @ Z & < 0 # ? + A @ I / l Q T % x . { E | F } G ~ H I J K L Y P b
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